For Sentimental Reasons

Do you ever get nostalgic for the way things used to be?  I love the concept of nostalgia...for some reason it just has a dreamy romantic feel to it - people hungering for something that once brought them joy, yet knowing that hunger will never be satisfied.  It's sad, but sweet somehow.

I have tried to train myself to not get caught up in my nostalgia, but there are times when I just want to indulge; just sit back and reminisce about the way things used to be, the love I used to feel, the fun I used to have.

I found myself thinking about my old boyfriends lately.  I had the thought, "I don't know if I'll ever stop loving The First!"  That thought kind of freaked me out, so I quickly quelled it, but now that I'm in a sentimental mood, I'm going to make a list of a few of the reasons I loved him.  Sentimental reasons, if you will.

1. He was smart.  I LOVE intelligent men with whom I can have a stimulating conversation.

2. He was tall.  Tall men make me feel more feminine, and I love feeling feminine.

3. He was kind.  Kindness is hugely underrated, but so so important!  His kindness set the bar for my expectations for future men.

4. He was tender to me.  Gentle touches, sweet whispered compliments and he didn't feel the need to be tough and unfeeling around me.

5. He was a good conversationalist.  He was a good listener and always had something thought-provoking to add to the conversation.  He didn't interrupt and he asked questions when he didn't understand what I was trying to say.  There were very few communication barriers.

6. He was my first boyfriend.  The first one teaches you how to love, teaches you what a relationship is, and lays the groundwork for so many of your future relationships.  In my case, the majority of my first relationship was really fulfilling and happy, so I can look back fondly on it.  He will always hold a piece of my heart.  

One last thought on relationships: I think in our first relationship, we give more of ourselves, more of our hearts, because we don't fully understand how painful breakups can be when you give so much of yourself to the other person.  So we love fully and unashamedly, because we can't possibly anticipate the pain that comes at the end.  When (or if) the relationship comes to an end, we experience how painful it is to have this person exit our lives.  More than likely, the two of you were extremely close and shared a fairly deep connection, and losing that connection causes you to experience something akin to the withdrawals that recovering drug addicts experience when they try to stop using addictive drugs.  Why?  Because you were addicted to the hormones dopamine and oxytocin which are released when two people have positive interactions with each other.  Some refer to oxytocin as "the bonding hormone," because when one person does something and it elicits a positive response from the other person, oxytocin is released and the person feels more attached to the other.  It causes deep emotional bonding and, along with dopamine and a few other hormones (aka endorphins), feelings of happiness.  So when the breakup happens, you no longer get your oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphin dosage, which causes real chemical imbalances until your body gets used to the much lower levels of these hormones.  And so you feel sadness and lonliness.  Until you experience that breakup and that withdrawal, you have no inclination to guard yourself from feeling that pain, and thus, you love more fully and completely.

If only we could give ourselves as we did the first time around!

This post's title came from this song:
(I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons