Thoughts on the date with him, now that it's in the past and over: It was...Intoxicating. Pleasant. Friendly. Comfortable. Intelligent. Disarming. Perfect.
I don't want to be, but I might be smitten with him. Wow. The guy has such an amazing mind. Isn't is downright ridiculous that of all his traits, this - HIS BRAIN - is what's most attractive to me? Not his perfectly tanned skin. Not his dimples and perfect white-toothed smile. Not his dark, curly, stylishly cut hair. Not his impeccable taste in clothing. Not his astounding height, his boyish laugh, or his expressive eyes. Nope. None of that can top his intelligence. He is incredibly well-read and is knowledgeable about so many subjects. But the clincher, for me, was how much he knew about psychology. To be more specific, how much he knew about the psychology of communication and interaction between men and women - which is my favorite kind of psychology. We had a good hour-long conversation on just that topic alone. Agh, it was fascinating.
I'm logical. Usually. But I'm letting my mind run wild on this one. It's just been such a long time since I've had a date, and for it to be so smooth...well that was completely unexpected. I know - I KNOW - it was a casual date, with no implications and I KNOW that probably nothing will come of it. But I can't stop myself. It was a good date! We all need more of those! But here's why I'm out of control: It's restored my faith in the whole dating game. Dates don't have to be high-pressure. They don't have to be extravagant. They don't have to mean anything. And once we remember all that, we can relax and be ourselves and just enjoy the night. Which is exactly what happened on my date. I was myself - my analytic, psychology-loving, open, wounded self. I didn't lie about anything...and I'd like to think that he didn't either (it was Real Talk! 100% honesty required!). And it ended up being a perfectly enjoyable time.
He opened my eyes to things I want to do so that I can be a better person, a more successful version of myself - he wasn't telling me to do these things, he was just sharing personal anecdotes, and I found them to be extremely applicable to my own life. Here's what I gathered through the night that I want to apply in my own life:
1. When you say you'll do something, do it. Be a person of your word. Commit and don't make others wonder if you were sincere in your commitment. You shouldn't have to say, "I promise" for someone to know you'll do something. Just saying it should be good enough.
2. Don't be a passive participant in the dating game. Don't just sit and wait for something to happen, for someone to ask you out. Be an actively involved by simply being friendly to EVERYONE. When you are in a social setting where there are a lot of people present, make it a point to talk to everyone for just a few minutes - introduce yourself. Be genuine and listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Why is this so important? Because other guys will notice me being friendly and warm and it will boost their confidence; if I am kind to an awkward person (specifically another guy), they will draw the conclusion that "If she's that friendly to THAT guy, she'll probably be friendly to me." And they will be right. And friendship is a good place to start if you want to be asked out.
3. More on getting asked out: If you want to get asked out, don't go everywhere in a cluster of girls. That's intimidating for guys. If you're at a party and you come with girls, break away at some point to go talk to someone across the room. They guy can catch you in transit while you are alone. Create opportunities for him to talk to you while you're alone - he'll be more comfortable and more likely to ask you out if he knows he's not being judged and critiqued by all the other ladies you're with.
4. Good things come from negative things. I knew this already, but in our conversation, it seemed to hit home with me again. When a negative situation arises, look for ways to come through it a stronger and better person. It's about conquering and winning, not complaining and whining your way through life.
5. Stop logic-ing myself out of things. The Perfect Specimen said that he is discontent because he is not dating anyone. I asked him what his game plan was to cure this. He said a few things, but the one that stuck out the most was that he wants to give girls more of a chance. He said that when he meets a girl, he immediately starts coming up with reasons why it would never work out if they were to attempt dating each other. He logics himself out of it so that he can walk away without wondering "What if...?" He said that now, he is giving girls more chances and trying to experiment and find out through trial and error whether it will or won't work out. I thought this was really profound, because I find myself doing the same thing, because I don't want to get hurt, put in too much effort, or look like a fool. But part of falling in love and dating someone is being vulnerable, taking the chance that it might not work out when you put your heart on the line, and letting your heart have a little more say than your brain.
The conversation was enriching for me. I didn't realize that I was craving the simple connection of an honest conversation, but once I was granted it, my eyes were opened. Interactions like that make me feel more energized, and I am still astounded that this guy was the one whom with I had such a fulfilling interaction and conversation. To be perfectly candid, I didn't think he was capable of such a conversation.
I don't think that he will be asking me out again, but I would love it if he did. Maybe I am logic-ing myself out of this, which I know I don't want to do... So I guess I'll play the friendly card and see what happens in the future.
This post's title came from this song:
When Can I See You Again? by Owl City
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