Starting Over Is the Hardest Thing to Do

Let's talk about my trip to Idaho. I know I grazed over the trip in my last post, but it was such an experience for me and I kind of want to dissect that now. Brace yourselves: it's a lengthy post.

I took the trip so that I could get away from the city and spend time with my best friend. I could kind of sense that she needed someone and some extra emotional support, so I offered to come up. When I made the offer, I never imagined that I would need the trip as much for my emotional support as for hers. I mean, when I was up there, driving through the rolling hills, fields touched with the new green of spring, and the majestic snow capped mountains, I got a refill on something that I didn't even recognize was missing from my life: peace and total contentment.

The view as I drove through Idaho. Kind of breathtaking, right?

How could I have been so caught up in my life to not even realize that I wasn't happy and content with the life I am living? I know how........I let work rule my life, I turn a blind eye to the pollution and crowds of the city, and I immerse myself in Netflix...all so that I can numb the discontentment I feel. I work to pay my bills. I stay in the city so that I can have a job to pay my bills. I hate the city. I hate the crowds. I hate the heat. I hate the superficial quality of the majority of the people here. But I've learned to tune it out. But tuning it out doesn't mean that I like it and it doesn't give me peace. All of which I came to realize while I was listening to "Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver while I drove through the rural northern country. I know now that I've got to get out of this hellish heat trap that I once affectionately called "the Valley." But where to go? There are so many options. Ideally, I just want to hide myself away in a log cabin next to a lake in the middle of a pine tree forest where no one can bother me. Have a quiet existence. Here's something else that my trip taught me: I feel close to God when I am in nature. Specifically mountains, lakes, rivers, forests - these bring me to my knees, and make me feel like singing "When through the woods, and forest glades I wander, and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees, when I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur and see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze, then sings my soul, "My Saviour, God, to Thee, How great Thou art!"

Look at this amazing little gem of a place: Beaver Dick Park. Gosh, it was so perfect. It was drizzling a little when we were there, and I think that made it even more perfect and hushed. We were the only ones there enjoying this, and that was fine with me. The silence was soothing. The river was calming. And the fresh air was invigorating. And although the name made me giggle like a 13 year-old boy....I couldn't get enough of the place.

My friend, Cass, was a wonderful tour guide. She showed me all over town and took me to places that she knew I would enjoy. I know she put some thought into it, and it really made my trip amazing.

The TV Museum in Rigby

Beaver Dick Park

Sammy's in Rexburg

And of course, we had to have a night out, an excuse to get all dressed up and look incredible, because that's kind of what we DO when we get together........ So we went to Sammy's where there was a dance party and a great deal on shakes and fries. No one was mad about this. Look at how fierce I look!

 

We went to church on Sunday but skipped out of Sunday school early to traipse through the Gardens on the BYU-I campus. It was well worth it, just let me tell you. The air was crisp. The sun was shining. The tulips were blooming. The wildlife was abundant. The conversation was thought-provoking. I felt joyful! For the first time in a very long time I was truly happy. We left church early because I had to get ready to go back home, but.......a quick 45 minute tour of the gardens had to fit its way into our schedule! It just had to! I'm so glad that we took time for it. I loved the gardens, touched with the first signs of spring.

The trip was incredible. Being with my best friend was revitalizing and empowering. The quiet time I had to myself as I drove from Salt Lake up to Rexburg and then back down again...well that was invaluable to me. I needed that time for myself so badly, and I was able to think about my life, my dreams, my goals and my hopes. The scary thing is that I have to start all over again if I want to have the life of my dreams. I have to move, which is huge. I have to be all on my own again, which is kind of hard sometimes. I have to figure out a place that suits me and that I feel peaceful about - a place that God intends me to be. There are so many places to consider, it's a little overwhelming, but I have faith that my path will be made clear eventually. I struggle now for the peace and contentment I will feel later. And so I take the first step on the road to happiness, peace, and a life filled with true joy and total satisfaction.

This post's title came from this song:
Beginning of a Bad Idea by Tyler Ward