Kal Ho Naa Ho (Tomorrow May Not Come)

This blog is so all over the place. It's driving me NUTS. But I'm already in several posts too deep. So it will probably continue in the same eclectic and chaotic way for a while. At least until I can make sense of what's going on in my brain. Folks, here's a newsflash: IT'S A MESS UP THERE! My brain is all sorts of crazy right now. I have no clue why, but I have been pretty uneasy lately. Stressed. Unfocused. Unmotivated. Oh wow. Sounds like depression or anxiety or something that I probably need to see a therapist for. But that's a post for another day. Let me just apologize for the chaotic nature of this blog before I move on to today's post. DEAR THE INTERNET, I'M SORRY FOR THIS CRAPPY LITTLE CRAZY CORNER THAT I'VE CLUTTERED WITH RANDOMNESS AND POINTLESS RAMBLINGS. Please enjoy today's post.

Topic: Not Being In Love or Married

I'm going to direct this post to the ladies, but perhaps it can apply to the guys as well. Have you ever been at a point in your life where you're not really interested in anyone, no one seems to be interested in you, and you couldn't be more content? You don't care about dating, finding your match, or getting married? This sounds a little crazy, since, by nature, we humans feel the need and experience a drive to connect and form partnerships, often monogamous ones. So why do we have these stretches of time when that drive seems to vanish and we're content to hang out alone (or sometimes with friends), watch our shows on Netflix, and just, be?  I have a theory, the internet. A theory of my own making, not validated by science or research, but just based on my own personal life experience.

I think that we have these periods of content due to 4 reasons.

1. The internet and our many technological devices satisfy us. We don't need to have a conversation. We'll just play a game on our phone. We don't need to go on a date. We'll just watch "Dirty Dancing" one more time on Netflix and live vicariously through Baby and Johnny. We don't need to put on our makeup and wear our nice clothes and seek out connection and companionship. We'll spend hours on Pinterest and Polyvore making and saving the ideal outfits, hairdos, and makeup ideas, and check Facebook to feel connected. You see, the internet provides artificial substitutes for the real thing. We don't need a boyfriend when we've got the internet. We don't need a date when we've got the internet, our phones, our tablets, our computers.

2. There's a lot going on in our lives. Our waking hours are stretched so thin, that we can't even think of adding one more thing. We have work, school, clubs, volunteer opportunities, church activities, family obligations, second jobs, housework, social outings, girls' nights, errands, exercise, and countless other duties. There's rarely enough time to get all the things done that you want to, so how can we add another element into the mix? We're barely scraping by doing all the things we already do, so we're not actively looking to add more to our plates. Our busy lives distract us. They can numb the need to be with a man, if we're not careful.

3. We haven't met anyone who makes us want to give up the single life. We know that marriage is something we want at some point down the road, but so far, there's not been anyone in our lives that makes us feel ready to give up the single life and all its many perks. Perks? Perks, you ask? What are the perks of being single? Let me make a list for you (since we all know how much I love making lists):

• Your time is your own to do whatever you'd like
• Your money is your own to spend however you'd like
• You don't have to worry too much about others
• You can do pretty much whatever you want, whenever you want. Oh, so you had a late night with your girlfriends and you couldn't stop talking, and now it's 2:30 in the morning and you're craving bacon? Great. Let's go to IHOP. You're not cuddling with your significant other in a peaceful sleep, so you may as well.

Basically, being single means you get to be a little bit selfish. You are concerned a bit about your friends, but you don't have to be their emergency contact or anything. You want what's best for them, but you're not in charge of making them a nutritious breakfast every morning and making sure they get their 8 hours of sleep. You know what I'm saying? 

But the thing is, when you meet someone who's a good match for you, you will gladly surrender your time, your money, your carefree attitude, because you will want to make life better for this person. It won't feel like a burden to make them dinner. It won't feel taxing to help them run errands. It won't be restricting to stay in and cuddle rather than go out and party. When you meet the right person for you, the pros of a single life seem to lose their importance, and the cons of being single will magnify themselves (i.e. sleeping alone, eating alone, going shopping alone, taking walks alone), thus making you want to give up the single life and give it up GLADLY.

4. We feel young and think we have lots of time to find someone. And to be honest, we probably DO have a lot of time to find someone. We're not in a hurry, because we view the future as vast and filled with opportunity. We can play, get caught up in all of our activities, be a little unconcerned about love and marriage, because we've go eons to figure out that piece. Right? Well...a little bit wrong. Time is precious. We don't know how much of it we've got. We don't know whose lives we'll touch in the limited amount of time we spend here on this earth. This kind of thinking can get us into trouble, because we'll keep putting off the things that will bring us great happiness and then before we know it, it will all be gone.

Sorry to get a little deep and preachy there. But I've been examining my own little life, which is devoid of the drive to date and get married. I watched my favorite Bollywood movie the other night, "Kal Ho Naa Ho," which, translated, means "Tomorrow may not come." The whole movie is about love, opening your heart to love, and loving without reservation, because you may not be able to love that person or people tomorrow. You or they may be gone. It's a beautiful and sad and wonderful film.

And I realized that I am not living a full life. I keep thinking that things will happen for me in the future, so I make myself content by filling my life with things and activities, and numbing the drive to be with a good man by immersing myself in the internet, Netflix, and group activities. Stepping back, my life looks meaningless and silly. I'm not accomplishing anything, even. If I'm not married or dating, I may as well get more education, become successful in the corporate/professional world, or something like that, right? But no. I'm in the mood to play and be selfish and do what I want, with no thought for anyone else or for the future that I ultimately want. Kal ho naa ho. I need to remember that and start living each day like it is my last. I think it will be much more fulfilling, don't you?


The title from this post comes from this song:
Kal Ho Naa Ho from the movie, Kal Ho Naa Ho