I Know With The Dawn You'll Be Gone

It's been a year since The Extrovert returned from his mission. A year and a month. 398 days since our last romantic entanglement. I can't believe it is that far behind me. And I know I've posted before how I'm over it and over him and shared how indignant I was that he would text me after all that has transpired between us and how dare he have the nerve to try and be friends after how he used me and disrespected me???

But I had a dream about him. I KNOW. It was only a dream. A single silly dream that I can't even fully remember the details to anymore. But it started a train of thought that just. won't. stop.   ...and all I've done for the past few days is reminisce about the good times, the happy times, the romantic times between us, and it's made me miss him in the strongest of ways.

I'M AN IDIOT. I know.

Dreams are supposed to fade. They're supposed to be easily forgotten when the day dawns. This lyric seemed to fit my situation: "I know with the dawn that you will be gone, but tonight you belong to me." Tonight in my dreams... He's mine in my dreams, and with the dawn, the dreams should fade and he should be gone from my thoughts and my heart.  But in my dreams, he's the charming kind lover I had in the beginning, and the dawn has failed to erase that fantasy from my mind.

Dawn should have been kinder to me. It should have gently erased the dream before I could grasp onto the fragments and agonize over what might have been. I am trapped in an unhealthy nostalgic mindset, and I yearn for something that is never to be.



This post's title came from this song:
Tonight You Belong To Me as sung by Eddie Vedder and Cat Power