It Won't Be Long Till I'm Coming Home

This has been the craziest week!  I don't think I've ever been this busy and frantic at my current job.  It was tough.  I think I learned some things about myself.  Observe:

1. I work really well under pressure.  It takes me less time (because I have less time), but the result of my work is just as good as - if not better than - my work when I'm not on a time crunch or in a panic.

2. I like to be in control. I will follow someone else's lead if I have to, but I like taking initiative because that means that things will be MY way. Due to my logic and attention to detail, my way is usually a really. good. way. to do things.

3. I want people to listen to me and realize my words and ideas have value.  We did an event this week at work, which is why it was so crazy, and I swear, the people running the event (an appointed committee separate from us) had no clue what they were doing.  When I gave them suggestions, they blew them off without a second thought.  It drove me mad! I'm young, I have a degree and knowledge, I can look at things in a fresh way, and my input has value, damn it! If only they'd listened to me, they might have avoided a couple of hectic situations.

4. I've never fully recovered from my burnt-out-broken-down phase of life.  A combination of school, work, church, and drama with boys took a huge toll on me a couple of years ago...and I didn't realize till this week, but I am still recuperating from this.  I thought I was whole and healed, but I'm not. My fragile mental state and exhaustion let me see a more raw picture of myself, and underneath my layers of ambition and "better for it all" attitude, I still have trust issues, I still don't want to obtain more schooling, I still have work to do on my testimony, and I still can't fully apply myself to a task at work because more than 50% of me just wants a vacation.  Sometimes I just want to quit so  I can have a permanent vacation, but my logic keeps me going, 8:00 - 5:00, Monday through Friday, knowing there are bills to pay, things to buy, and laziness to avoid.

But I need a break.  I need a break so badly.

So I'm going home.  Just for the weekend.  I haven't told anyone, because I want this to be all MINE.  No sharing plans with coworkers or church peers or roommates or crushes or ANYONE.  If it's all mine, then it's all for me, for my good, and no one can ruin it with their words, ideas, or wanting to tag along. It might be selfish, but I've been selfless enough. I need this.

I'm coming home.


This post's title came from this song:
Coming Home by Butch Walker