You Go To My Head

In honor of Jazz Appreciation Month (which I just barely found out is in April), I am going to title all my posts after jazz songs. I love jazz.  I especially love old jazz from the classic folks - like Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong and Billie Holiday. I love singing along and I can't wait for the day when I have a lover to croon to as we "dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light" or something romantic like that.

Yeah, nothing is happening in the romance department. NOTHING. I am so bored by it. I need to be held and kissed. And preferably by The Perfect Specimen........but really. I just know that he would be a great kisser, with those luscious lips of his...  And because he's so tall, I think that being hugged by him would be a great experience.

Oh, by the way, have I mentioned that I'm entranced by him? Like, undeniably attracted and entranced? I didn't want to be. I had no desire to be a part of his fan club. But as hard as I tried to keep him out of my head and out of my heart, I have found that The Perfect Specimen is a HUGE STEP UP from all of the other guys I have dated/been interested in. And that is a big contributing factor as to why I've fallen for him. He's gone to my head, so to speak (ike alcohol can go to someone's head and makes them drunk very quickly, he has gone to my head to make me lovestruck very quickly).

Everything that makes him a step up for me:

• He is straight
• He is attractive
• He is intelligent, especially in matters of psychology
• He is older than me
• He is strong in the gospel
• He is a worthy priesthood holder
• He has served a mission
• He is outgoing
• He is friendly
• He is confident
• He knows what he wants from life
• He is strong
• He is quirky
• He is funny
• He truly does have serious opinions on things
• He is a deep thinker, although he doesn't always show that side of himself
• He is ambitious

The list goes on for miles. I hate that I'm acting like this and getting so caught up in a guy all because he took me on ONE casual friend-date. Oh my gosh, I am a teenager drama queen.

This post's title came from this song:
You Go To My Head by Louis Armstrong with Oscar Peterson

You Look So Perfect Standing There

WHY doesn't Dave Franco have his own movie yet???  Someone needs to write a movie with him in mind as the protagonist!!!!  I'm serious!  This good looking guy is being underused! I mean, just LOOK at him!!!

He is downright dreamy, but he never plays the lead. Is he a bad actor???  Please, no!!!! Hollywood, just fix this already!  Here, I've got a nice, vague, adaptable plot-line for a a movie starring Dave Franco as the protagonist:

Dave has some sort of personal struggle and has to learn more about himself for some reason or another.  He gets the motivation to go on this quest of self-discovery because a beautiful and quirky girl says something brutally honest and incredibly profound.  Duh, he asks her to accompany him on his quest, and duh, she says yes, because Dave is a total hottie, and she's not an IDIOT.  And also because they are friends or whatever and intrigue each other and probably bring out the best in each other.  So they go on this summertime adventure and lots of profound things are said and lots of romance blossoms.  Oh, and there's probably something dark from his past that is threatening to overtake their happiness as a couple, but which they conquer together, like an ex-girlfriend, or maybe his dead dad who turned out not to be dead, or.......WAIT.

Or a total plot change: Maybe Dave and this girl had just started spending time together and somehow, they accidentally got tangled up with some criminals who are about to pull off an elaborate heist/drug sale/assassination (take your pick) and they told the police everything, so the criminals are chasing them and the police can't do anything to help them, and Dave's shirt probably gets burned off his body during some explosion that was supposed to kill him and his new girlfriend, but which instead just did us all a favor and allowed us to see Dave without his shirt while his miraculously unharmed girlfriend tends to his burn wounds, which is obviously going to evolve into a hot make-out scene where we forget that Dave was ever burned in the first place.

Wait. I got sidetracked.  But it doesn't really matter.  Just write him a movie and let him star in it! I submit that if we get to see Dave smoldering on the silver screen for longer than 30 seconds at a time, it is well worth our $8.00 to see the film. And I'll see it again. And again. And then buy the DVD. Hollywood is missing out on a huge opportunity!

This movie needs lots of cool filmography,  probably showcasing him and the girl at a county fair (Ferris Wheel and cotton candy being requisite), a southern barbecue, an outdoor dance lit with little white lights, a beautiful lake with a picturesque dock that they jump off of into the water, them buying and slowly sipping fresh lemonade from the kids' stand down the street... just the perfect fun summer.  A film that perfectly captures the carefree youthful feeling that comes from falling in love...and shows how love triumphs and can solve problems. Okay, yes. I realize that I just described a Nicholas Sparks film. So what? Dave would be perfect in one of those.

In short: We need more Dave Franco in our life ASAP.



This post's title came from this song:
She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer

It Won't Be Long Till I'm Coming Home

This has been the craziest week!  I don't think I've ever been this busy and frantic at my current job.  It was tough.  I think I learned some things about myself.  Observe:

1. I work really well under pressure.  It takes me less time (because I have less time), but the result of my work is just as good as - if not better than - my work when I'm not on a time crunch or in a panic.

2. I like to be in control. I will follow someone else's lead if I have to, but I like taking initiative because that means that things will be MY way. Due to my logic and attention to detail, my way is usually a really. good. way. to do things.

3. I want people to listen to me and realize my words and ideas have value.  We did an event this week at work, which is why it was so crazy, and I swear, the people running the event (an appointed committee separate from us) had no clue what they were doing.  When I gave them suggestions, they blew them off without a second thought.  It drove me mad! I'm young, I have a degree and knowledge, I can look at things in a fresh way, and my input has value, damn it! If only they'd listened to me, they might have avoided a couple of hectic situations.

4. I've never fully recovered from my burnt-out-broken-down phase of life.  A combination of school, work, church, and drama with boys took a huge toll on me a couple of years ago...and I didn't realize till this week, but I am still recuperating from this.  I thought I was whole and healed, but I'm not. My fragile mental state and exhaustion let me see a more raw picture of myself, and underneath my layers of ambition and "better for it all" attitude, I still have trust issues, I still don't want to obtain more schooling, I still have work to do on my testimony, and I still can't fully apply myself to a task at work because more than 50% of me just wants a vacation.  Sometimes I just want to quit so  I can have a permanent vacation, but my logic keeps me going, 8:00 - 5:00, Monday through Friday, knowing there are bills to pay, things to buy, and laziness to avoid.

But I need a break.  I need a break so badly.

So I'm going home.  Just for the weekend.  I haven't told anyone, because I want this to be all MINE.  No sharing plans with coworkers or church peers or roommates or crushes or ANYONE.  If it's all mine, then it's all for me, for my good, and no one can ruin it with their words, ideas, or wanting to tag along. It might be selfish, but I've been selfless enough. I need this.

I'm coming home.


This post's title came from this song:
Coming Home by Butch Walker

I Can Tell It's Gonna Be a Good Day

So a couple of weekends ago, I was drinking a Jones Soda and this was the message under the lid:

"A certain someone will appear who could enhance your life."

Yep.  Ever since then, I've been on the lookout for someone to come into my life and enhance it.  I guess that was a really passive approach, and since nothing was happening, I just stopped thinking about it.  Till I found the lid in my purse a couple days later and decided to display it at my desk at work with a couple of positive fortunes I've gotten from fortune cookies (they say "A thrilling time is in your immediate future" and "You will find good fortune in love.").  I decided there was no harm in putting these positive statements in a place where I will see them often.  If you see it and read it every day, you will start to believe it.  That's the theory, anyway.  So what the heck, right?

Since then, I have made two new AMAZING friends.  And although they are both girls, I DO feel like they have enhanced my life already with the limited amount that I know them.  It's been so refreshing to make new friends, although I was nervous at first.  But as soon as we started talking, the connection was there - we were on the same page, and we shared the same beliefs and viewpoints on so many things.  It was nuts how much I felt like these two girls were old friends, rather than new.  It was a blessing, and I think that the positive affirmation from Jones Soda helped me to stop feeling so sorry for myself and start looking for opportunities to connect with other people again.

Now, I just need to open myself up to the love connection possibilities. If I'm being honest, it truly scares me almost to death, the thought of putting my heart out there again. I am a sensitive individual and I feel things so deeply. Being hurt and allowing myself to truly feel the subsequent emotions has made me cautious where love is concerned. It's easier to NOT love others, to NOT let yourself get invested in a guy who may not return your ardor. But it's not fulfilling either, being on this torturous middle ground where I don't feel happy and don't feel sad.  Loving someone makes you feel elated. Being hurt makes you feel despondent and destroyed.  But putting myself in a bubble where I neither love nor feel pain makes me feel...stagnant and sterile.

I need to take a chance and have a little faith that good things will happen.


This post's title came from this song:
A Good Day (Morning Song) by Priscilla Ahn