Got No Clue What I Should Do

Let me preface this post by saying how irritated I am that the Perfect Specimen's name is in so many of my blog posts lately.  I'm so over this era.  But this era is not over me.  Apparently.

Here's the latest:

Last night, while two friends and I were enjoying Chinese food and good conversation, I received a call from The Perfect Specimen.

Did I rudely answer the phone without leaving the table?  Yes.  Did I proceed to have yet another awkward conversation with him?  Of course I did.  Was I completely baffled after the fact?  Duh.  Let me tell you how the convo went, approximately:

Jessica: Well, hello.  How are you, Perfect Specimen?
Him: Hi, I'm good.  How are you?
Jessica: I'm good too.  So what's up?
Him: Well I just was calling because I wanted to let you know that I had a reminder in my calender that reminded me we need to go on a date, because I promised - well not exactly promised, but my words, I try to be truthful and be as good as my word - anyway...I told you we should go on a date and I just wanted to call you to let you know that I haven't forgotten that I said that and that I haven't forgotten that we need to go.  I've just been really busy and my schedule is really crazy and I just wanted you to know that I wasn't blowing it off; I just haven't found the time for it yet.  And this week is kind of crazy too, and the only time that I could potentially do it would be on a weeknight between 8:00 and 10:00, but I know that's kind of late, and I'm not sure what your schedule is like or what works for you.  But let me look at my calendar again...yeah, that's just not going to work...this is so crazy...I've just got a lot going on...  But what times work for you?

(Seriously, he must have babbled on in this same vein - without any interruption from me - for a solid 90 seconds)

Jessica: Well I get off of work every day at 5, and I'm usually pretty free.  Except for Wednesdays, because I have institute.  But other than that...
Him: Well what time do you usually go to bed?
Jessica: I try to go to bed by 11:00 or 11:30 at the latest...(cringing that I might sound like a grandma with my set bedtime, but that is LATE for someone who has to be to work at 8:00 a.m., okay?)
Him: Well...let me just consult my calendar [insert more calendar babblings here, with a conclusion that it didn't look good]
Jessica: And it depends on what you want to do, too, you know...
Him: Yeah.  Well let me just consult my calendar some more and let you know when I figure something out.  Okay?
Jessica: Sounds good, Perfect Specimen. Thanks for taking the time to call me.
Him: No problem.  I just wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten.
Jessica: Thanks.  That's very thoughtful.  Well................have a good night.
Him: Yeah, thanks.  You too.
Jessica: Bye.
Him: Yeah, bye.                            

And now I have to wonder if he's going to call me again and if the date is going to happen.  Luckily, my friend last night - after I got off the phone - talked me down from my drama ledge, and said, "Jess, don't stress it.  Just think of it as though you're setting aside time to get to know him better as a PERSON and a friend!  It's doesn't have to be anything romantic or have any pressures attached to it!"

While I know she is right...I am still freaking out a little bit.  For multiple reasons.  But here is a hypothetical response that I came up with that encapsulates some of my feelings:

 Look. I don't want to be an item on your "to-do" list. I don't want this "date" to be something that you feel like you have to check off of the list, something that you're obligated to do. I'll be honest: When you said, "Maybe we should go on a date," I heard an empty promise. I never expected you to actually ask me out, and I am not going to hold you to a few meaningless words. Clearly, your schedule is very full. It would be unfair of me to demand your time when it wasn't really on the menu in the first place. I don't need to be further humiliated by a pity date with the famed and perfect male specimen, [insert name here]. I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I don't want to be some obligation you're trying to fulfill. Consider me checked off of your list.

I am filled with insecurities, and I know, in my heart of hearts, that I am not - nor will I ever be - good enough for him.  I am not pretty enough, smart enough, or fun, wild, outgoing, or energetic enough.  And being in his presence makes me nervous, because I know that I will make a fool of myself, and there's a good chance that he'll laugh at me and ridicule me once I'm gone.

He is a prankster.  And his serious manner in this matter and his dedication to taking me on a date feels like the biggest and most hurtful prank of all.

What do I do?



This post's title came from this song:
Upside Down by A*Teens
(P.S. This might be one of the worst and cheesiest music videos ever.  Blame it on the era of the early 2000s.  LOL)