Do You Want To Know a Secret?

Here's a little secret: Sometimes, in order to have people like you, you have to change things about yourself. It sucks, but it's true.  Also. Not really a secret, but for some reason, there are people in my life who act like it is, and who act like they haven't been let in on the secret.  It bothers me.  This little unpleasant fact should be well known!  Gah!  I'm so frustrated!

Backstory: There's this kid I know, and for the sake of this story, we'll call him Ken. Ken is severely depressed.  He is overweight.  He is gay.........ahem...is struggling with Same Sex Attraction (SSA).  Three things no one likes per se.  However, it is not these three things that cause people to distance themselves from him.  It is his mannerisms.  He speaks in French when no one in the room understands French (and he knows we don't - he's trying to be superior).  He constantly corrects people.  He is bossy.  He refuses to listen to others.  He has a lot of book smarts - lots of definitions and knowledge about the technicalities of various things - and he always tries to one-up people with his knowledge base.

Ken is CLUELESS.  For real.  And today he tried to complain to me.  And he was a little drama queen (no surprise there) and texted me these twisted half-truths, saying that he'd been told he wasn't welcome in the ward due to his struggle with SSA.  I shot down his lies and called him out on several things, and then tried to offer helpful advice, which he WOULD NOT accept.  If he'd just listen to me and change a few of his mannerisms, people wouldn't find him so repulsive!  But he's hell-bent on the idea that people don't like him because of his SSA situation.  Which is not true.  People may be weirded out by it (especially in the church), but they're not hateful people.  I know almost every one of them personally, and that's not who they are.

Ken, however, is a drama queen and a pain to deal with and he is going to catastrophize EVERY. LITTLE. THING.  And here's the real secret: Sometimes I want to shout tips in his face and SHAKE him until he understands that some things (certain mannerisms, comments, and attitudes) are NOT socially acceptable and would he just cool it on those already????

People are always changing.  We have to change to be accepted by certain people.  It can be a good thing, although there's usually a negative stigma associated with changing who you are.  But think about it: if someone stops smoking and drinking and starts coming to church, they will find a support network and friends who are good influences.  If a man stops being so effeminate, other men will feel more comfortable hanging out with him and may be more accepting of him.  If a woman stops maliciously gossiping, other women will feel more safe around her and may be more friendly to her.

Change really CAN be good. I just wish Ken could see that.


This post's title came from this song:
Do You Want to Know A Secret? by the Beatles