As For Me, It's Nothing New - Just Another Two Years

Let's delve into a topic that is troubling and unsettling - waiting for a missionary.  For any girl who belongs to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you know what I'm referring to.  Maybe you didn't ever send a missionary out, but you knew someone who did.

Why is this troubling to me?  Well for a couple of reasons.  First of all, I have to honestly admit that for pretty much my whole life I scorned girls who waited for missionaries.  I thought, "How dumb are you?  You're just going to sit around for two years and pine for him???  Get a life!  Move on!"  And then one day, I fell in love with a boy who was going to leave on his mission very shortly.  And now I find myself being one of the girls I had once termed "dumb."  Talk about identity crisis!  Geez!

So yes, I was just thinking about a boy I loved and how I actually knew that our relationship was going to end soon - he was going to serve a mission for our church for two years and we would only be allowed to write letters to one another - but how for just that moment in time, I didn't care what anyone said or did, as long as I was able to be with this boy for as long as we had.  We really only had a few weeks together.  And let's face it - pre-mission relationships are generally pretty tame.  So combine both of those facts and you get a girl who's harboring an unrequited and unfounded love.  And you also get a boy who has written her a total of two letters in ten months.  Can I really have meant ANYTHING to him?  I seriously think it was a figment of my imagination, the relationship I mean.

So this one is for all of my sisters (and I guess brothers too, if there are any of you) out there who have a missionary out right now.  It's hard and it's retarded.  But maybe, for some of you, it will be worth it.  Right now, I don't know if my missionary even thinks about me, let alone likes me!  Isn't that ultra ridiculous???  I mean, I'm glad he's so focused on the Lord's work, but I would kind of like to feel him tugging on the end of the line every so often, you know?  Also, I never know whether I should write him or not, and when I do write him, I have the hardest time filtering so that I don't sound super emotional/clingy/needy/love sick/desperate (whether I really am any of those things is another post for another time).  And I don't REALLY want to be a distraction to him.  But it's such a fine line between being supportive and being distracting!

Here's to sitting around wondering what will happen after the two years are up.  Here's to being uncertain and unsure and kind of lonely (because let's face it - no matter how much your friends let you talk about him and what transpired, you still miss him and feel lonely without him!).  Here's to trying your best to be a good girl and a supportive friend for TWO WHOLE YEARS.

And I'm sure this won't be the last you hear from me about this topic.  Do you know how many levels and facets are contained within it?  So ready yourselves for some lovesick rantings.


This post's title came from this song:
Sore Thumb by the Format