Who the F*** Wants to Die Alone All Dried Up In The Desert Sun?

I hate this god-forsaken desert. I hate the satanic heat and the blistering sun. I hate the massive amounts of asphalt and cars and people. I hate the lack of lawns and trees and plants. I hate my life here. I wish I could be impulsive and just pack up and move to a better place. But would it be a better place? Is it my attitude that is making me so disgruntled, or is it truly the place? I used to love the valley and I craved its busy bustle. I adored it's distinctive smell - orange blossoms and pollution and heat and dust and chlorine from all the pools. That was five years ago. I've been here five effing years. And I have nothing to show for it except a piece of paper that says I have a B.A. in psychology. Everyone knows that you can't do ANYTHING with a B.A. in psychology - you have to get your masters if you want any sort of decent job! I feel like a failure, a wash out, a loser. I'm stuck here in this city I hate, working at a job that makes me irritable every day, and losing friends to marriage left and right. And never dating. I never date. I'm sure if I were a thousand pounds lighter, a million years younger, and was addicted to working out and fro-yo, I would be drowning in all the dates I'd be going on. There would be too many men and too many dates to keep track of. But as it is, I am alone with no hope of that ever changing. Today I am cranky, lonely, irritated, overheated and fed up with my pitiful life. Could you tell? ;)

And I came across this motivational/inspirational quote on Pinterest today:

"Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is."
- Mandy Hale

And I felt chastised and wrong. And it made me think of the quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

"The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."
- Marjorie Pay Hinckley 

And I know that I should be more optimistic. I should try harder to be happy and grateful in my circumstances. I know that I need to CHOOSE to be better. And in my heart, I REALLY DO want to be better and happier and more optimistic. But once the day gets started and reality sets in, I forget all my good intentions, and all I want to do is eat Cheeto Puffs and curl up in my bed to avoid everything and everyone - because it all reminds me of how far away I am from living my dream life. How can I respect myself for leading this poor sad life?

In my dream life...

• I am slender and strong
• I am sought after by men
• I am in a healthy relationship with a fashionable and kind man
• I am working in a job that I love
• I have found my passion in life
• I am using my college degree for something meaningful
• I am free of insecurities
• I am free of addictions
• I am filled with self-confidence and self-love
• I am living in a cooler climate with lots of flora and fauna
• I have a nice car with an aux cable so I can drive and listen to all my favorite music loudly
• I make decent money - something that is in line with my college education
• I treat myself to vacations in the mountains, preferably in a cabin by the lake with a canoe or kayak available to me.
• I am happy

I don't know how much longer I can go on here in the desert. I am antsy for a change that will rejuvenate and inspire me.

This post's title came from this song:

Some Nights by Fun.