Fever In the Morning, Fever All Through the Night

I know that I've already mentioned this at some point, but my gosh, this summer is SOOOOO hot. I am getting kind of grouchy about it... which is stupid, because I know (and have always known) that summer is excruciating here! And yet... the heat continues to get to me.

So here I sit in front of my fan, drinking gallons of ice water, crunching on the ice once the water is all gone, and dreaming of a cooler day...a cloudy, rainy, gray day...

Side note: one time, a girl I knew told me that when people chew on ice, it is a sign of sexual frustration. Now, I don't know if that is true or not, but every time I start crunching on my ice, I hear her voice and wonder...am I sexually frustrated? As a virgin, I just don't know the answer to that question. Maybe subconsciously I AM...???? Because all my friends are married and having babies and I subconsciously feel left out and lonely and want a man and a healthy sex life and an adorable family??? Gah, that's something to dissect later.

But let's move on to something fun I found on my camera:

Isn't that just adorable? I went to this little Mexican restaurant in Mesa, AZ, called Rosa's Mexican Grill. Now, this was a while ago, actually, but this picture was begging to be shared. So. 

When my sister got married in June, we had a luncheon at Rosa's. The food was amazing, and being surrounded by family was great, especially since I don't get to see a lot of my extended family very often (they live kind of far away from me). It was just a really good, easy, laid back time, and these sweet little napkin holders on the busy Mexican tiled tabletops evoked a lot of thought in me. They seemed to belong to another era, one where generous hospitality was commonplace and people took more time for each other. I can imagine people of that era gathering together at diners or on front porches or in backyards and sharing a Coke, a smile and swapping stories. I long for the mid-century lifestyle, where women had class, men had confidence, where families ate dinner together, friends cared for each other, and where respect was taught and expected.

This era does not suit me much, but c'est la vie, I suppose. I am trying to make it work, and I try to enjoy the small things - like quaint napkin holders and icy cold sodas.

The title for this post came from this song:

Fever by Peggy Lee

Who the F*** Wants to Die Alone All Dried Up In The Desert Sun?

I hate this god-forsaken desert. I hate the satanic heat and the blistering sun. I hate the massive amounts of asphalt and cars and people. I hate the lack of lawns and trees and plants. I hate my life here. I wish I could be impulsive and just pack up and move to a better place. But would it be a better place? Is it my attitude that is making me so disgruntled, or is it truly the place? I used to love the valley and I craved its busy bustle. I adored it's distinctive smell - orange blossoms and pollution and heat and dust and chlorine from all the pools. That was five years ago. I've been here five effing years. And I have nothing to show for it except a piece of paper that says I have a B.A. in psychology. Everyone knows that you can't do ANYTHING with a B.A. in psychology - you have to get your masters if you want any sort of decent job! I feel like a failure, a wash out, a loser. I'm stuck here in this city I hate, working at a job that makes me irritable every day, and losing friends to marriage left and right. And never dating. I never date. I'm sure if I were a thousand pounds lighter, a million years younger, and was addicted to working out and fro-yo, I would be drowning in all the dates I'd be going on. There would be too many men and too many dates to keep track of. But as it is, I am alone with no hope of that ever changing. Today I am cranky, lonely, irritated, overheated and fed up with my pitiful life. Could you tell? ;)

And I came across this motivational/inspirational quote on Pinterest today:

"Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for everything that it is."
- Mandy Hale

And I felt chastised and wrong. And it made me think of the quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

"The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."
- Marjorie Pay Hinckley 

And I know that I should be more optimistic. I should try harder to be happy and grateful in my circumstances. I know that I need to CHOOSE to be better. And in my heart, I REALLY DO want to be better and happier and more optimistic. But once the day gets started and reality sets in, I forget all my good intentions, and all I want to do is eat Cheeto Puffs and curl up in my bed to avoid everything and everyone - because it all reminds me of how far away I am from living my dream life. How can I respect myself for leading this poor sad life?

In my dream life...

• I am slender and strong
• I am sought after by men
• I am in a healthy relationship with a fashionable and kind man
• I am working in a job that I love
• I have found my passion in life
• I am using my college degree for something meaningful
• I am free of insecurities
• I am free of addictions
• I am filled with self-confidence and self-love
• I am living in a cooler climate with lots of flora and fauna
• I have a nice car with an aux cable so I can drive and listen to all my favorite music loudly
• I make decent money - something that is in line with my college education
• I treat myself to vacations in the mountains, preferably in a cabin by the lake with a canoe or kayak available to me.
• I am happy

I don't know how much longer I can go on here in the desert. I am antsy for a change that will rejuvenate and inspire me.

This post's title came from this song:

Some Nights by Fun.

We Are Family...

I just took a Buzzfeed quiz (found at this link) that told me who my celebrity family is:

Dad: George Clooney
Mom: Ellen DeGeneres
Sister: Mindy Kaling
Brother: Ryan Gosling
Uncle: John Stamos

Needless to say...my celebrity family is awesome. I love all of these people. Just so much.  I love Buzzfeed too! :)

This post's title came from this song:
We Are Family by Sister Sledge