After All This Time, I'm Still Into You

I was talking with my roommate last night about a guy that she briefly dated. He ended the relationship only a few weeks into it, and she was pretty devastated by that, which is uncharacteristic for her. Normally, she is the one to end things, or else it is a mutual breakup.

This guy came up in our conversation because he has been trying to get back into her life. Maybe he feels like he has to prove that he meant it when he said, "Let's still be friends." Maybe he still likes her (that's my personal theory). Maybe he just knows how much fun she is and wants to be a part of all the cool adventures she orchestrates. I. Don't. Know. She was hurt, though, and kept her distance until very recently. She went on dates with other guys and filled her life with friends and activities. She didn't want to waste her time with someone who didn't want her. (She is so smart and logical!)

But yesterday, she confided that she finally felt okay with being around him again (he had hung out with a bunch of us on Friday night). She had struggled with some heartbreak and sadness, just like the rest of us usually do after a breakup, and she hadn't wanted to be around him much, but she now felt like they really could be friends after all that happened romantically between the two of them. Believing him to be into her still (my gosh, you should see the way he LOOKS at her, and the cute little pranks he plays on her to get her attention...is it really platonic?  Really???), I asked her if he decided that he wanted her back, would she let him have her? Without hesitating, she laughed out loud and said, "Yeah. Definitely. Yeah."

And you know what? I think that every girl has that one guy who she would go back to in a heartbeat if he wanted her. I know that I do. No matter what, he's got a piece of your heart. And you can't forget him, no matter how hard you try.


This post's title came from this song:
Still Into You by Paramore

I Know With The Dawn You'll Be Gone

It's been a year since The Extrovert returned from his mission. A year and a month. 398 days since our last romantic entanglement. I can't believe it is that far behind me. And I know I've posted before how I'm over it and over him and shared how indignant I was that he would text me after all that has transpired between us and how dare he have the nerve to try and be friends after how he used me and disrespected me???

But I had a dream about him. I KNOW. It was only a dream. A single silly dream that I can't even fully remember the details to anymore. But it started a train of thought that just. won't. stop.   ...and all I've done for the past few days is reminisce about the good times, the happy times, the romantic times between us, and it's made me miss him in the strongest of ways.

I'M AN IDIOT. I know.

Dreams are supposed to fade. They're supposed to be easily forgotten when the day dawns. This lyric seemed to fit my situation: "I know with the dawn that you will be gone, but tonight you belong to me." Tonight in my dreams... He's mine in my dreams, and with the dawn, the dreams should fade and he should be gone from my thoughts and my heart.  But in my dreams, he's the charming kind lover I had in the beginning, and the dawn has failed to erase that fantasy from my mind.

Dawn should have been kinder to me. It should have gently erased the dream before I could grasp onto the fragments and agonize over what might have been. I am trapped in an unhealthy nostalgic mindset, and I yearn for something that is never to be.



This post's title came from this song:
Tonight You Belong To Me as sung by Eddie Vedder and Cat Power