Furthermore, I just kind of felt like my friends didn't really care about me and didn't truly want me to be a part of their lives. And I have learned that if people don't want me in their lives, they are not worth my time. I'm not going to waste all of my energy on trying to convince people to want me! That is so pointless!
So I have been craving different companionship. And funnily enough, over this past week, I have been fortunate enough to meet new people and branch out. I met seven new guys - Mormon "bro" types - who were all extremely handsome, had styled their hair, and had great fashion sense. I loved those guys, even though they were a little clique-y due to their being from Gilbert. And then I spent time with my friend who is introverted even more than me, so that was a nice quiet change. And finally, the story that takes the cake on me craving different company (and that has perhaps quelled the craving)...
The Perfect Specimen. This guy is truly the perfect specimen. Thus his pseudonym on this blog. He is... Insanely attractive. Incredibly confident - pretty much to the point of being arrogant. Completely out of my league. In a series of embarrassing events at FHE last night, it was discovered that I was attracted to The Perfect Specimen. And after he knew that, he wanted to talk to me about it. Of course.
I was completely mortified, because I was one of TWO girls who had admitted to being attracted to him. I know! You never admit you're attracted to someone! That's suicidal!
But wait. Just let me explain how this came about. We were playing that stupid "Do You Love Your Neighbor" game and the kid who got asked if he loved his neighbors said "yes, I love my neighbors, but I don't like anyone who is attracted to [The Perfect Specimen]." And like the honest and trusting fool that I am, I stood up, expecting most of the ward to stand up with me (because this guy is a dish! For real!). But they didn't! Even though I've heard dozens of girls giddily exclaim over his good looks, they all remained sitting and staring around, waiting to see who would be the one dumb enough to own up to their attraction! Gah! So I was completely humiliated in my honesty, and to make it even worse, the only other person who stood up was a 17 year old girl who is some kind of prodigy genius and who is too new to the ward and too young to understand the kind of effect that The Perfect Specimen can have on people...namely women.
So after the game was over, he kept trying to talk to me and I kept avoiding him, because I was not in the mood to be humiliated further by this perfect male specimen. But despite my best efforts, in the end, he sat down in front of me, turned around, thanked me for my honesty, and let me make a few sarcastic and coy comments about how I couldn't focus on what he was saying because of the yogurt that was coating his luscious lips (which he had purposely coated in the yogurt parfait he was messily eating because he likes to make situations awkward to get a rise out of people. I don't understand it either). And then he said, "Maybe we should go on a date."
.....................................WAIT.........WHAT?????????????.......................................
I was so taken aback that I looked away in panic and floundered around, mumbling some response like, "Well I guess...I mean...I'm down if you are..." And then I looked back over at him and we just sort of looked each other in the eye for a few seconds. Then the moment passed and the girl next to me finally tuned back into the conversation to make a comment about his messy yogurt eating habits.
And five minutes later, as he got up to leave, I jokingly said, "Bye. Call me." And while I was laughing at my sarcastic wit, he goes, "Okay, yeah."
Oh my gosh. I am FREAKING OUT. And for NO. GOOD. REASON., because let me tell you something: Men who look like he does do NOT waste their time on women who look like me. They will NOT take out girls who are frumpy, fat, and love Netflix and baking more than going out to parties and working out. So why am I freaking out? Because I am attracted to this man, and I am insecure about myself. And those two factors make the perfect setting for a nervous breakdown. Part of me wishes he would actually call me and ask me out, because he is different, exciting, new, and I just want a change in the men I have in my life. But the other part of me is terrified at that prospect. I should stop being terrified and just be calm though, because I'm sure nothing will come of it.
But what if.......................?......................NO!..............................
This post's title came from this song:
Royals by Lorde
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