I Like To Hold On To My Dream

Wouldn't it be nice for me to have a lover?  I think so.  And although I don't foresee this happening for quite some time, I like to dream about it.

And lately, my imagination has been running absolutely RAMPANT.  I am a logical person.  Pragmatism in my nature.  I'm a Capricorn.  An INFJ.  A planner.  A strategist.  A determined and focused individual.  So what is my problem???

I think it is a combination of the ridiculous Perfect Specimen incident and spring fever. As an introvert, I like to keep my thoughts and feelings fairly private.  And having publicly announced my attraction toward The Perfect Speciman...well that is a prime example of an uncomfortable situation for me.  So I keep replaying the damn thing in my head and agonizing over it, thinking of ways I could have survived it better.  And all the while the spring fever is making me feel very reckless and desirous for a lover.

Now let's add another element into the mix here.  The other morning, my sister comes into the room and says, "Look what was taped to our door..."  And SURPRISE...it was an early Valentine's day card addressed to me.  From The Perfect Speciman (aka Trent, because you can clearly see his name on the card because I am a lazy photo editor. Oops.).  Here, see for yourself:

What in the world am I supposed to do or think about this?  I mean, I get the raunchy humor (this is Olaf from Disney's Frozen, and there's a line in the movie where he says, "Oh look at that!  I've been impaled!" when he walks backwards into an icicle) and I understand that it's meant to be clever and funny...but why did he go to the trouble?

The plot thickens, though, as was revealed when a bunch of our friends went out to dinner and found out that many of them had received cleverly raunchy Valentine's day cards too...and the suspicion is that The Perfect Speciman and his roommate (hereafter called The Musician) are behind it.  Everyone was thrown off though, because the "From:" label didn't say either of their names (except for on mine)...  For example, Caldwell received one from Morgan...but Morgan didn't really give him the valentine!  Whitney received one from AJ, but AJ had no knowledge of it.  And so on and so forth.  So everyone was getting valentines from people who didn't actually give them the valentine.  And so it was deduced that it had to be a prank.  And because these guys are kind of famous for their prankish nature...everyone thinks that it has to be them.  But what if it's not?  Gah!  Someone is making a fool of me and I don't know who it is.  And also, I don't like it.

Anyway...since I am famous for my ability to turn any situation into a telenovela, I'm pretty sure that I'm reading way too much into this silly little valentine.  I'll admit though, when I first saw it (before I learned about all the other valentines floating around out there in the group), my heart kind of pounded and I was getting little nervous heart flutters and wondered, "What if...?"

Oh my goodness.  Gag me.



This post's title came from this song:
In Summer from Disney's Frozen

I Love to See the Temple

The recent buzz here in AZ is all about the newest Mormon temple in Gilbert.  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons), I am ecstatic to see another temple opening up here in the valley, because it means that our members are attending the temple with such gusto that the traffic is too much for just one temple to handle.  We need more facilities to enable us to do the work that goes on inside temples (visit this link for more information about what happens inside).  It's exciting!  Plus, temples are beautiful and peaceful.

So the Gilbert Temple is open now to the public for tours.  I went on the tour on Monday, and again last night.  I am in awe of it.  The temple is so beautiful and I can just FEEL God's presence there.

Here are some pictures I took:

I can't wait until I can go to the temple and receive the sacred blessings from God there.  Going to the temple will empower me and help me to feel peace in my life.  I want to be married there as well, because I know if I am, my marriage and family ties will last for all time, even after I die!  When I visited the Gilbert temple, I felt the Holy Spirit in my heart, bearing witness that God loves me and wants me to make the choices that will keep me on the path to return home to Him.

There's one room, called the celestial room, and I just lingered in there as long as I could, because it felt like home... and I didn't want to leave.  My mom said, "That's how you're supposed to feel.  It's supposed to help remind you how it feels to be home with your Heavenly Father."  Going to the temple helps to renew your determination to choose the right so that after you die, you can return to His presence, back to your real home in heaven, with your Father in Heaven and other family members.  The peace and joy I felt is something that I want to have in my life forever, and I'm so thankful for the gospel that shows me how to obtain that (visit mormon.org for more information about the church and the gospel).

Here's a picture of the celestial room (photo from mormonnewsroom.org):

This post's title came from this song:
I Love to See the Temple by Janice Kapp Perry

We Crave a Different Kind of Buzz

I hate to say it, but my friends have been irritating me lately.  This was super hard for me to admit, because they are my friends and I love them, but also...they have been acting like entitled snobs lately!  I have a very low tolerance for that kind of attitude.

Furthermore, I just kind of felt like my friends didn't really care about me and didn't truly want me to be a part of their lives.  And I have learned that if people don't want me in their lives, they are not worth my time.  I'm not going to waste all of my energy on trying to convince people to want me!  That is so pointless!

So I have been craving different companionship.  And funnily enough, over this past week, I have been fortunate enough to meet new people and branch out.  I met seven new guys - Mormon "bro" types - who were all extremely handsome, had styled their hair, and had great fashion sense.  I loved those guys, even though they were a little clique-y due to their being from Gilbert.  And then I spent time with my friend who is introverted even more than me, so that was a nice quiet change.  And finally, the story that takes the cake on me craving different company (and that has perhaps quelled the craving)...

The Perfect Specimen.  This guy is truly the perfect specimen. Thus his pseudonym on this blog. He is... Insanely attractive.  Incredibly confident - pretty much to the point of being arrogant. Completely out of my league.  In a series of embarrassing events at FHE last night, it was discovered that I was attracted to The Perfect Specimen.  And after he knew that, he wanted to talk to me about it.  Of course.  

I was completely mortified, because I was one of TWO girls who had admitted to being attracted to him.  I know!  You never admit you're attracted to someone!  That's suicidal!  

But wait.  Just let me explain how this came about.  We were playing that stupid "Do You Love Your Neighbor" game and the kid who got asked if he loved his neighbors said "yes, I love my neighbors, but I don't like anyone who is attracted to [The Perfect Specimen]."  And like the honest and trusting fool that I am, I stood up, expecting most of the ward to stand up with me (because this guy is a dish!  For real!).  But they didn't!  Even though I've heard dozens of girls giddily exclaim over his good looks, they all remained sitting and staring around, waiting to see who would be the one dumb enough to own up to their attraction!  Gah!  So I was completely humiliated in my honesty, and to make it even worse, the only other person who stood up was a 17 year old girl who is some kind of prodigy genius and who is too new to the ward and too young to understand the kind of effect that The Perfect Specimen can have on people...namely women.

So after the game was over, he kept trying to talk to me and I kept avoiding him, because I was not in the mood to be humiliated further by this perfect male specimen.  But despite my best efforts, in the end, he sat down in front of me, turned around, thanked me for my honesty, and let me make a few sarcastic and coy comments about how I couldn't focus on what he was saying because of the yogurt that was coating his luscious lips (which he had purposely coated in the yogurt parfait he was messily eating because he likes to make situations awkward to get a rise out of people.  I don't understand it either).  And then he said, "Maybe we should go on a date."

.....................................WAIT.........WHAT?????????????.......................................

I was so taken aback that I looked away in panic and floundered around, mumbling some response like, "Well I guess...I mean...I'm down if you are..."  And then I looked back over at him and we just sort of looked each other in the eye for a few seconds.  Then the moment passed and the girl next to me finally tuned back into the conversation to make a comment about his messy yogurt eating habits.

And five minutes later, as he got up to leave, I jokingly said, "Bye.  Call me."  And while I was laughing at my sarcastic wit, he goes, "Okay, yeah."

Oh my gosh.  I am FREAKING OUT.  And for NO. GOOD. REASON., because let me tell you something:  Men who look like he does do NOT waste their time on women who look like me.  They will NOT take out girls who are frumpy, fat, and love Netflix and baking more than going out to parties and working out. So why am I freaking out?  Because I am attracted to this man, and I am insecure about myself.  And those two factors make the perfect setting for a nervous breakdown.  Part of me wishes he would actually call me and ask me out, because he is different, exciting, new, and I just want a change in the men I have in my life.  But the other part of me is terrified at that prospect.  I should stop being terrified and just be calm though, because I'm sure nothing will come of it.

But what if.......................?......................NO!..............................

This post's title came from this song:

Royals by Lorde

This Must Be It. Welcome to the New Year!

New Year.  New me.  I am making the changes I wanted to, and so far, two weeks into it, I am doing pretty well on my resolutions.  I have been lifting weights, doing yoga, going to bed earlier, devoting more time to my prayers and scripture study, and trying to cultivate my femininity.  I feel good.  And I feel proud, too.

My new job is great.  I feel much happier in it than my old job, and I feel like it's much more relaxing as well.  I have more down time than I expected, and that is really nice, because I can now work at a less frantic pace.

Life is good.  I'm making it good.  Also, it is almost my 23rd birthday!  I am kind of excited, but I am also simultaneously freaking out because I don't know what to do for my birthday.  I can't let this prime birthday night pass by in a lame boring haze.  Okay, my birthday is falling on a Friday, and this is probably the last year that this will happen AND that I will be single, young, and have as few obligations as I do.  In other words, this is my last opportunity to have a GREAT party on my favorite night of the week for my very own birthday!

I need to figure this out, and FAST.

But in the meantime, I thought it would be fun to make a quick list of things I learned about myself while I was 22.

• I love roast beef sandwiches.  I found this out when I went to the Sugar Bowl in Scottsdale with my roommate.
• I hate being frantically busy.  I found this out when I got my first full-time office job.  I like to be busy, but not frantic and harried.  There is a big difference.
• I am slow to trust people, especially when it comes to love.  I found this out when I realized I haven't dated anyone at all this whole 22nd year..and determined it's because I'm so cautious and guarded.  But once I trust you, I'm super loyal and committed, which is something I've always known about myself.
• I can be a bit of a diva sometimes.  I started listening to myself telling the stories of what happens to me...and I have a flair for the dramatics when it comes to relaying them.  I found this out about myself when I worked in my first full-time job and was constantly chatting with my coworkers.  I realized my stories often made them laugh and make comments like, "You need to write a book about all of the stuff that happens to you!"
• I love vintage and retro styles and things.  I want to be a domestic goddess with style and home-making skills like those classy ladies from the '40s and '50s.

This post's title came from this song:

Together We'll Ring In the New Year by Motion City Soundtrack