These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

I love the smell of new magazines, freshly cut lawns, wassail in winter,  freshly baked bread, the guys' side of the Hollister store, lemon scented Lysol wipes, summer rain, Calvin Klein's perfume CK In2U for women, a new box of crayons, and orange blossoms in spring.

I love listening to my music so loud that my ears are left ringing.  I love driving with my music turned up as loud as it can go and singing along at the top of my voice.  I love driving fast and over the speed limit when there's no one else on the lonely stretch of road.

I love laying in my bed and watching sitcoms like Arrested Development, Seinfeld, Parks and Recreation, Community, The Office, Modern Family and 30 Rock.  Actually, I love laying in my bed, period.  Maybe that sounds lazy, but it's just so gosh darn comfortable!  I often wish I didn't have to leave it.

I love the mountains of northeastern Arizona.  I love visiting there and sleeping on the trampoline at night.  I love going up into the mountains, sitting in a camp chair, reading a novel and listening to the Aspen trees whisper in the breeze.

I love the smell of campfires.  I love how my sweatshirt smells like smoke after camping.

I love autumn.  I love how the leaves change colors and how the weather cools down.  I love being cold, because I love being able to wear cardigans, coats and scarves.

I love boys that smell nice and wear cologne.  I love getting hugged by these boys.  I love the idea of being in a relationship with one of these boys.  Actually, I simply love the idea of being in a relationship.

I love being nostalgic.  I love reminiscing.  I love thinking back to how things used to be, romanticizing the good and ignoring the bad.  I love remembering my past loves.  Maybe that is masochistic, but I love them.  They will always have a place in my heart.  I love what they taught me.  I love what I learned from the situations and relationships themselves.  I think I just love love.


This post's title came from this song:
My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music by Rodgers and Hammerstein

We Might As Well Be Strangers

I guess I am masochistic.  Or insane.  Or a glutton for punishment.  Or all of the above.

Because here's the deal:  I invited The First over last week to a little get-together a few friends and I were having.  But it wasn't as smooth or as easy as I was hoping.  Because DUH.  He is my ex-boyfriend.  He was my first boyfriend.  He returned home from his mission a few months ago and when we saw each other unexpectedly, we both froze and had THE MOST AWKWARD two minute conversation ever, filled with lots of gaps and halting sentences.  It makes me cringe even now, just thinking about it.

He and I have been texting periodically, and that seemed to be okay, which is how I found the courage to invite him to the get-together.  But once he was there, I realized I no longer knew how to interact with him.  I couldn't get over the fact that he actually accepted my invitation to come!  Also, the fact that the only friends that didn't bail on the get-together happened to be a boy and a girl who were ENGAGED to each other made it feel like a double date of sorts...  I kept freaking out thinking my ex would think that I had creepily orchestrated a sneaky double date.  WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE, OKAY???  So he left a little early, and OF COURSE the other friends showed up as soon as he was gone.  Oh good heavens...how do I get myself into these situations??????????

I don't know why, but I am seriously OBSESSED with making peace with this kid.  I want things between us to be SO peachy...and I don't know how to make that happen, or even if I should.

Here's what I do know, though:  It was SO nice to see him.  I have missed him more than I would like to admit.  I miss the intellectual conversations that we used to have.  I miss how comfortable we used to be with each other.  I miss how familiar he used to be to me.  Now I don't know him or what he's about, and I cannot breach the gap and make things like they used to be.  He feels like a stranger to me.  And it is THE WORST.



This post's title came from this song:
We Might As Well Be Strangers by Keane