I'm Ready, I Am

Two years ago, I was dating a guy who told me that he wanted to marry me.  We'll call him The First from here on out, because he was my first boyfriend.  I told him that he wasn't the one, and that he had never been the one...and I admit that I was very harsh.  The friendship was damaged, the relationship was ruined, and it ended very dramatically, with lots of tears.  I was depressed for months, although I didn't really recognize that I was depressed for a while.  And logically, I shouldn't have been so depressed over a break up with someone whom I couldn't see myself with in the long term, right?  Well, come on!  He was my first boyfriend!  And although I told him he wasn't the one, and we tried to work through our issues after that and make things okay between us, which never really worked out, and although he finally made the last move and broke up with me...I was still torn up over my first failed relationship.  And I have only recently come to accept the finality of it.  I am finally ready to let go of the heartache that I've been harboring for two years.  I am finally ready to TRULY say, "Okay, you were wonderful and taught me so much.  We learned what we needed to from each other.  We are over, we will never get back together and I wish you the best in your future.  Good luck and goodbye."  I'm ready.  I am!

Confession: This kid has a few months left of his mission.  He and I have written some throughout the course of his mission.  Some letters are better than others.  The second to last one I received was so incredible and positive and I was certain that there was no animosity left between us.  I wrote him back and then I received this last letter, which was short and surface level.  Very different.  So I forced myself to get over it, get over him, and just LET IT GO.  I don't think I will be writing him again.  We were meaningful in each other's lives a while ago, but that time is behind us, and we are different people now.  We lead separate lives, as we should.  This is the end.  And I'm finally relinquishing my grasp on the idea of a hoped-for reunion with him in April.  Really.  I am.

So let's generalize this, shall we?  When it's over, it's over.  Let it go.  Move on.  Don't try to keep fixing things, because chances are, you'll feel more empty than ever when your attempts don't turn out the way you wanted them to.  Relationships are difficult, and terminated ones are included in that category.  But with time, wounds and heartaches heal, and with some determination, you will be ready to move on.


This post's title came from this song:
I'm Ready, I Am by the Format