The Fundamental Things Apply

Relationships!  Relationships!  Relationships!  This is a topic that has been on my brain.  So here - some of my thoughts:

We pursue relationships with people who we feel match our own level of attractiveness.  Simply put, pretty people are more likely to date pretty people and ugly people...well, you get it.  Everyone wants to feel evenly matched because it brings a sense of security and equality.

In relationships, girls want to feel safe and pretty, and boys want to feel strong and brave.  When he tries to make her feel safe and pretty, and she tries to make him feel strong and brave, the relationship goes much smoother.  You can do this through compliments or listening to their concerns and responding to their needs appropriately, or a myriad of other ways.  Get creative.

When you are in a relationship, be prepared to temporarily lose some friends.  Maybe this is only how it works for girls, but when she gets a boyfriend, we kind of back off and let her be with him.  And we go do our own thing.  Generally.  Unless you're that annoying girl who always wants to be the third wheel for some unexplainable reason.  But that aside, if you get dumped or need girl time, we will be there in a heartbeat!

I mentioned this the other day, but in relationships between men and women, the guys will do the emotional part to get the physical, and the girls will do the physical to get the emotional.  Do each other a favor and engage in both parts - then both parties are happy.  Even if you don't want to, just consider it like a compromise.  And that's what relationships are about, right?  Giving selflessly and helping each other to be happy?

I promised to keep this post light, so that is all for right now.  Coming up next...?  What do you do when your roommate has an eating disorder?



This post's title came from this song:
As Time Goes By (as sung by Barbara Streisand)

Mmmm...What'd You Say???

As I was thinking about this blog the other night, I realized that I need to start spewing some truth and reality, since that was sort of the reason that I even started this blog in the first place.  I want to comment on life as I see it.  The truth from my viewpoint.  I'm not saying that I've ever lied on this blog, but I have given a lot of personal anecdotes that are not generally applicable (in the field of psychology, if it is not able to be generalized, then it does not have external validity, just FYI.  Oh yes, school has started, did I mention?), and if you can't take something away from this, then it's just a boring autobiography.  Verity and reality from where I'm standing - it could possibly be the same view from wherever you are.  So let's get real, yeah?

First of all, I stumbled onto a blog the other night that was written by a house of LDS girls.  They were anonymous, which provided them a façade to hide behind as they dished the scoop on guys, girls, dating, and life.  They mentioned a blog that I went and checked out, which was a blog written by a house full of LDS guys.  And that is where I got caught in a mental doldrum, so to speak, because I just couldn't stop thinking about this blog and what these guys said.  I was stuck in my head.  These guys, also writing anonymously, didn't hold back anything.  I am so bothered by the unfiltered truthfulness, because, as I found out, the truth can be nasty (and crass and vulgar and rude).  Which brings me to my post today.  All of this is in general terms, ok?  Meaning that there will be exceptions and outliers, but basically, the following is true of the general population.

Okay, I know that men think about sex a lot.  They objectify women, even if they don't mean to.  They have voracious physical appetites, and sometimes, their appetite for physical intimacy is what drives them, rather than logic, feelings, or reason.  I know all this, so why did this one blog bother me so much?  Maybe because it gave me an inside look at EXACTLY what LDS guys my age are thinking and doing - and a lot of what they think about and do deals with physical intimacy.  And sometimes they seemed apologetic for their slutty man behavior (as slutty as you can get while not going all the way), but sometimes, they seemed like they were bragging about how far they got with a girl.

I am not going to waste a post chastising them.  Hello Molly Mormon!  I am going to use this post to state the following:

• Girls enjoy being physical too - why do guys get as far as they do?  More often than not, the girl enjoys the physical, but it is a means to an end - they want the physicality to lead to an emotional connection - generally accomplished through conversation.  For guys, the physical intimacy is the end, and the emotional connection part is the means to that end.  Simply put, guys do the emotional to get the physical, girls do the physical to get the emotional.
• Either party can feel used and cheapened in a physical interaction.
• We know what is right and wrong as members of the church.  We make mistakes.  We know we can try to rectify those mistakes and be forgiven by God and those we've wronged.  This is all done through the atonement of Jesus Christ.  And forgive me for going a little preachy here, but bragging about how close you were to breaking one of God's laws mocks the Savior's sacrifice.  We're not competing, and if we think we are, we need to reevaluate what our end goal really is.  It's not how far you got with someone physically, but what you are doing in your life to draw closer to Christ and become more like him.  Which one is going to get you to the celestial kingdom?
• It is hard to control physical appetites.  Satan wants to ruin the family unit, and if he can cause us to go too far before marriage, he has succeeded.  So be careful.
• Everyone wants to feel loved.  We all want to be part of a happy and romantic relationship.  Whether we want it for the physical perks or the feelings of security or WHATEVER, there is something we need to remember about relationships: It is not just about one person.  There are two people involved, and it is in the selfless sacrifice and service for the other that we will find the success we all desire.  Physicality can only take you so far.

Maybe this doesn't feel very connected, but this is everything that has been spinning around in my head since I stumbled on those blogs.  Heavy, yeah?  Lighter happier post next time, I promise.


This post's title came from this song:
Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap