It. Was. Just. So. Awkward.
But to be fair, every conversation I've ever had with this guy is cringe-inducing.
He's the relatively new guy at my office, but he's been here since August. Ah, the classic office crush, right? He's tall, dark, and handsome. And funny. How do I know he's funny? Well he brought THIS to the office White Elephant party in December (I know, I know. Ladies, feast your eyes!):
It's a framed photograph of him (he's the one on the left), his two roommates, and their dog. Fun fact: the guy in the middle works with us, too (Thank the good Lord above for blessing my working life with attractive men). And they signed the photograph. Look at them in all their attractive glory! Look how cute their signatures are, with the hearts and the "xoxo." This is just classic, good-natured prankster.
So of course, when I get anywhere near this near-perfect human speciman, I turn into a total IDIOT. No. Really.
I used the words, "evil deception" today in our conversation. EVIL DECEPTION???? How did those words make their way from my brain to my mouth into a conversation about COOKIES???? No. I'm not kidding. We talked about cookies that look tasty but are actually disgusting to eat. And I laughed and said, "Ugh, that's just EVIL DECEPTION."
Yeah. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
I am a better conversationalist than this. No! I really am! But every. single. time I get around this guy, I forget that I'm an intelligent individual who could talk fluently about things like action potentials and brain chemicals, or who won an Oscar, or what's good in indie music right now, or how to make the perfect meringue, or the conspiracy theory surrounding Monsanto, or how to Feng Shui, or something perfectly simple, like, "How was your weekend?" Nope. None of that. I stutter, I stumble around, I gape silently, and then I say something like, "evil deception." *Facepalm*
God forbid that I act normal and say normal things around this heartthrob of a man. It's not enough that I'm overweight and working in a dead-end job. No. I also have to look like a loser who can't talk. He probably was wondering how I do my job at all, since I work at the front desk and answer phones and talk to people all day.
ASK ANY ONE OF THEM! I CAN TALK! I KNOW THINGS!
It's just sad, that this is what my life is: begging the internet (in lieu of my actual coworker) to perceive me as normal.
But I promise...I am! It's just that he's so incredibly attractive that I can't focus on anything else. And I'm pretty sure we have all been THERE before. ...Right?
The title for this post comes from this song:
Stuttering by The Friday Night Boys
