I will probably like you if...
- When I say "Good morning! How are you?", you answer back "Good, how are you?" I'm SO OVER the grammatically pretentious and correct "I'm well" or "I'm doing well." To me, if you say, "I'm well," you are REALLY saying, "I'm freaking fantastic, because I am so grammatically correct and educated and I probably sound super smart to you, which is fine, because guess what? I AM SUPER SMART! And also, I'm hoping to break you of your grammatically incorrect habit of saying, "I'm good," because you sound like an uneducated hillbilly. You're welcome. I'm glad I graced you with my elite presence too!" Yeah. That's what I hear in my head when you say, "I'm well." But if you say, "I'm good," then I hear, "I'm laid-back and chill and my day is going just fine. I don't care about being grammatically correct, because my life is so good that I don't have to care about stupid idiosyncrasies."
- You compliment me on my awesome hair. It is my genetic gift from God. Two feet of thick and unadulterated natural light blonde amazingness. Yes. It IS natural, thanks for noticing! I'm really proud of my hair, and I really try hard each day to show it off the best I can.
- You gossip, but you are trying to reign in your gossipy side. But not trying so much so that we can't have a delicious conversation about who's dating whom, and who said what about that one kid who never comes to church anymore since he stopped dating your old roommate, and which girl is going to prove to be our downfall when it comes to securing a date with the new guy in the ward. Non-malicious gossip is something that endears you to me. It proves that you're human, because you can experience a full range of emotions - love and hate, adoration and irritation, etc. etc. If you NEVER gossip, I'm basically sitting there wondering what your ulterior motive is, and if I'm the next victim on your hit list, you sneaky, silent hipster.
I will probably not like you if...
- You are peppy and talk in a high pitched simpering voice. This is not high school cheerleading, okay? This is also not some lame and cheesy activity where you have to act excited so that everyone doesn't leave out of pure boredom. Also, peppiness often feels like superficialness. It sounds and feels forced and I don't tolerate fake-ness well. Be real. No one is seriously THAT happy about every single thing. You just got broken up with! You just lost your job! Okay, those are exaggerations. But come on! Shed a tear! Be disgruntled for a sec! Show me that you are human! Seriously.
- You leave me voice mails. Everyone knows that it is practically an Olympic feat to get through the voice mail system. So just text me! It's so much simpler, and I'm guaranteed to look at it. There are exceptions to this rule: If you are a handsome boy leaving me a voice mail about how much you love me, I will probably listen and then promptly melt as I listen to the message again, and again, and again. Also, if you are a family member leaving a voice mail about another family member's big news (ranging from death to hospitalizations to pregnancies to weddings), I will listen and then respond appropriately.
- You are mean to me! This one is so obvious.
- You interrupt me. This is so rude and it just KILLS me! I think that what I have to say has some value, and I'd like you to at least ACT like you think it does too. If you interrupt me, I have no desire to listen to what you are saying and I will promptly block out the sound of your voice. And probably avoid you for a while so that I don't have to listen to you as you interrupt me again.
Oh the list goes on, but who wants to read a novel about my judgmental-ness anyways? You're getting the picture. If we ever meet, reader, you know what I'll be looking out for!
This post's title came from this song:
What I Like About You by the Romantics
This post's title came from this song:
What I Like About You by the Romantics
